Though you can hurry home and close the door, life’s relentless demands follow. Alone, still at play is your primed and pumping nature. And all those normative dos and don’ts you’ve internalized. And, as you have learned, sometimes the hard way, the quality of your response to the demands of each of these moments has everything to do with your satisfaction, or with your discontent.
Which is why I like to think of your autonomous efforts as analogous to those of an athlete—say, a shortstop in a baseball game. Yes, aptitude counts. But how you play it counts even more. Your ability to respond readily under pressure, to field a ground ball hit hard up the middle and over second base, requires desire, initiative, responsibility, judgment and attitude. Like the shortstop, you go for it. You don't put off living. A commitment is revealed, a choice is made.
Of course, even if the shortstop makes an all-systems-go, ankle-high, game-saving catch, the next moment’s perfect performance is not assured. Also true for you. No matter your progress or accomplishments, your performance—how you respond, think, choose and act—is always subjectively and actively vulnerable in the moments of being challenged.
Obviously, all moments aren’t so dramatic and certain moments are more critical than others. Yet, as with the shortstop, a satisfying resolution is always the point. There will always be room for improvement and continuous preparation is mandatory. Such is the challenge of autonomy and life.