What is the problem with resentment?
Resentment makes “sense.” Why get over ourselves when mate, peer, sib, child, neighbor, boss is being awful? Why not indulge the punitive impulse when someone is horrid, or stupid, or slow, or uncooperative? Why not be nasty back? Indeed, why not malign or betray the offenders? Or why not withdraw into apathy, pessimism, doubt and disenchantment when the world is going to hell anyway? Why not hate anyone or any group whose egoistic, social or political authority rivals ours?
Of course, we can justify our grievances. But the problem is this: We suffer from self-disgust when we indulge resentment—when we take it out on others or privately torment ourselves with it.
Happily, when we study autonomy, the weight of such grievances naturally dissipates. No, it’s not that all of a sudden the world and the people in it are perfect. But when we are autonomous, we recognize that resentment distorts the call for leadership and denies our solidarity. In choosing how to act, we go for the gold standard. We choose to represent not our resentment but our stand for autonomy.
(This post is a summertime variation of my 06.17.13 podcast.)
Are you interested in having more autonomy in your life? Here's a plan of action! Examine our website. If you find it interesting, do the Retreat Workshop. Thank you for your interest. I appreciate it.
Arnold Siegel is the founder of Autonomy and Life and leader of its Retreat Workshops and Advanced Classes.