Here in America the oversized ego is fairly evenly distributed. Measured against what are often capricious standards, each of us finds much to celebrate, admire and praise about ourselves. We give ourselves an enormous amount of credit for an edgy image, lofty ideals and fierce attitude though too little of the way we think, feel and act indicates that we’ve learned to right-size our ego and celebrate our life.
In the scoreboard-shaped language of everyday, “satisfying your ego” is an invitation to grandstand, and we who can interject a false modesty into our conceit do it best. You know the egotistic drill. We hide our exploitive aggressiveness and antagonism and at the same time expansively mimic humility, gratitude, generosity while we “objectively” tick off our achievements. Yet no matter how high in the pecking order, the oversized ego is, in fact, at the effect of the scoreboard’s ruthless rules and its exploitive standards of evaluation.
The key to right-sizing your ego is accepting the standards that we all accept; standards that aren’t themselves monolithic, reductive or rigid; and standards that also include the criteria, touchstones and benchmarks against which we can judge, evaluate and compare. These are the standards distinguished through our participation in the discipline of Autonomy and Life.
In this study and practice we put together a reconfiguration of the ego. Thinking freely is central to it. This is where we get our personal authority. This is where we exercise our creativity in the design of our lives. This authority is the basis of our self-possession and our self-determination.
Indeed, there may be little cause for celebrating your life until you understand that you are shaping your life with the oversized ego you use to evaluate your predicament and your response. Indeed, the discipline you use with respect to your ego is pivotal to enjoying your autonomy and celebrating your life.
A bona fide familiarity with the discipline of Autonomy and Life gives shape to many of your thoughts, words and deeds. As you plan, make decisions, even as you talk, you strive to keep this discipline before you. In our dynamic discipline there is something to celebrate, but it is not the authority of the oversized American ego. It is your life.
You begin to right-size your ego and celebrate your life when you exclude a scoreboard-determined context for your life; when you evaluate your life against the standards of affinity-generated expansiveness such as generosity, humility and gratitude; when you temper the aggression, antagonism and rivalry that is often imposingly apparent in human relations; when you respond to your predicament with creative intelligence and responsibility; when you meet your civilization’s demand for utility and contribution.
Are you interested in having more autonomy in your life? Here's a plan of action! Examine our website. If you find it interesting, do the Retreat Workshop. Thank you for your interest. I appreciate it.
Arnold Siegel is the founder of Autonomy and Life and the leader of its Retreat Workshop and Advanced Coursework.