You know what I mean when I say we pay a price for harboring an oversized ego. Its out-sized expectations precipitate a bitter, pain-filled interior monologue, a voice turned in on itself.
And our ego’s wishful illusions about "how life should be” compromise our day-to-day effectiveness. Why? Because in the pay-the-price competitive world in which we live, our not-based-in-fact self-descriptions don’t count for much. In real life, get-to-work responsibility and accountability are the foundations of our success and self-worth.
Harsh? Yes, if our exaggerated ego has left us inadequately prepared to face and respond competently to the facts.
On the other hand, we live in the late Enlightenment and the American ego is in transition. That is, our ego is beginning to be recognized as a pre-set function. Said another way, at this time in America, we have a new point of view from which to examine, reconfigure and reset an oversized ego’s determination.
What makes this new point of view practical is our capacity for learning. We can learn to be effective, not as a pie-in-the-sky miracle-maker but as a down-to-earth problem-solver. We can learn to organize our response to the imperative “be responsible for yourself and hold yourself accountable to yourself for this responsibility” by understanding that life is an endless series of problems that require solutions. No ultimate achievement, or recognition-by-others, relieves us of this fact.
Yes, it takes a lot of nerve to disassociate ourselves from the conforming, mimicking and habitual timidity of an oversized ego determined to protect itself. But, as I said in my 10.24.16 post, much of our timidity springs from a hyper-vigilant fear of not looking good. When the ego is right-sized and no longer in need of protection, a good deal of the timidity—as well as the reflexive conformity and mimicry—disappears. We are more able to develop and hold the stability of our subjective experience (what we talk to ourselves about and how we talk about it) and to integrate ourselves responsibly and accountably into our civilization.
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Arnold Siegel is the founder of Autonomy and Life and leader of its Retreat Workshops and Advanced Classes.