PODCAST: Affinity, affection and attractionThe topic of my most recent podcast was the raw manifestation of immediacy, a sign of desperation, conduct now commonplace. My concern was the harmful effects of its destructive force. In this podcast, I will address affinity and the reconciling reach of its attractive force.
I don’t think we can pin down what percentage of the affinitive sentiments is brute nature and what is enhanced by religion, art, literature, music, dance and valentines. But these affinitive sentiments—they are not unnatural. Think empathy, sympathy, love and camaraderie. Think kindness, nurture, gentility and understanding. Indeed, when we come to recognize well and true who we are, we sense, and we heed, an attraction, an affection—always already there—for the asking.
So, affinity is at the very least a possibility, a subterranean current. And, affinity is also a remarkable achievement, an intuitive and worthy art whose generous expression is evidence of a life lived in good faith.
The feelings we are just born with, they come and go. They are wonderful, dynamic and ecstatic, and they are fickle, unpredictable and disaffected. They can corrupt reason, undermine the best intentions and lead us astray, as well as up and down and all over the place. In other words, the feelings, moods and sweet and sour vibes that just arise unexpectedly and depart inexplicably are too capricious to be the sole source of our intellectual and emotional generosity.
We don’t want to depend solely on erratic feelings to move us to commitment, to thankfulness and to an appreciation of life. And, of course, we don’t want to depend solely on these fickle feelings to stimulate our expressions of love, generosity, tenderness, and compassion. So, if we’re not “feeling it,” we can create it. One of the greatest joys of autonomy is the ability to be an artist of our own emotions and a curator of the active energy loving expression requires.
It’s easy when affinity’s promptings are deep, the juices flowing, the excitement present, when the heart pounds and the spirit is touched. But much of how life is doesn’t lend itself to easy.
We are aware of the contingent, finite, bewildering nature of life, as well as the seemingly intransigent nature of each of us. And, of course, conflict, hardship and misfortune are unavoidable—they pervade the human condition and we suffer over it. In its midst, we may break loose of the connections or lose touch with the openhearted grace of affinity. Further, antagonism is natural. Just for the “joy” of causing others pain, people oppose what is being built and destroy that which is built. And our best intentions—our care and compassion and commitment—can be met with antipathy and rejection.
Yet, none of us want to be disheartened or dispirited by this kind of opposition, or by our own co-mingled joys and sorrows. The daily enactment of a disciplined and caring way of thinking and going about being human not only makes life possible, it gives it meaning as well. So, this is where human autonomy comes into play, and mastering it is crucial. Made up of cultivated resources such as intellectual integrity, emotional generosity and a healthy dose of self-control and self-determination, our autonomy is something we acquire or win.
When we are autonomous, we can call upon ourselves to love life, to thrill upon its possibility, to speak with our love, to recognize its expression as an act of intelligence and grace—a commitment to hold the relationship, the family, the community together. We can call upon ourselves to kindle light, love and friendship and to create and renew against the forces of conflict, cynicism and antagonism.